‘Happier’ With Dave Flynn
The Comfort Trap
The Paradox of Modern Life
Earlier this year we were in Boston for work and were lucky enough to be taken to see a Boston Celtic’s Basketball game. It was so spectacular yet completely overwhelming! Coming from Greystones, a small town in Ireland right by the sea, this massive indoor circus like stadium was a jarring contrast. The constant noise, bright lights, massive screens and relentless stimulation of the packed crowd and non-stop parade of action on the court felt almost alien to my ancient, evolutionary self. I felt very much like a country mouse in the big city!
Don’t get me wrong, it was an incredible experience to witness. But it also felt like the apex of modern culture – a captivating, high-energy spectacle that made me think of ancient Roman gladiators in the Colosseum. The stark juxtaposition between my nature-immersed life in Ireland and this urban sports cathedral left me feeling slightly out of place, as if my primal instincts were at odds with the frenetic pace and overstimulation of this modern entertainment circus extravaganza!
The contradiction of comfort
As I sit here on a comfortable couch with a comfortable blanket draped around me to keep me warm while sipping on a delicious drink of warm cacao, I can’t help but feel a nagging feeling of unease. My ancient primal self feels trapped in the comforts of modern life – heating, soft fabrics, lighting, excess of processed foods. A deep seated primal part of me, yearns to be more embodied, to be more connected to the natural landscape, outside in the natural world with all my senses fully engaged.
I am fascinated by the contradictions of modern life. On one hand, the technological advancements and innovation across every sector would have been impossible to even contemplate 100 years ago. However on the other hand we live in an environment of unprecedented ease and comfort which goes against our evolutionary hardwiring. As I dig deeper into this topic, I can’t help but feel that our cushy, sedentary lifestyle packed with time saving devices, isolated living and constant convenience is profoundly at odds with the lives of our ancestors and the evolutionary programming hardwired into our genes.
Humans have supposedly been around for about 300,000 years. 99%+ of this time life was uncomfortable and tough. Our ancestors spent their days roaming the natural environment in search of food, exerting themselves physically all day long and relying on their senses to survive. In Spite of the fact that life was hard, there were some silver linings, they lived in tight tribes, ate natural food from the environment and lived harmoniously with the natural habitat in a very physical embodied way.
Embracing discomfort
My daily sunrise swim in the cold Irish Sea is a way that I lean into this ‘comfort trap’. Even though I have done this daily for nearly a decade, 98% of the time I don’t feel like getting into that cold sea. It’s uncomfortable but I do so as I know that on the other side of this discomfort is a place of joy and gratitude, a much better version of myself. As a dear friend Mark says ‘I don’t always love the person getting in, but I always love the person getting out’.
Over the last three years Stephen and myself and some friends have embarked on an annual physical challenge that requires training and a journey of sorts to get ourselves physically fit to try to achieve our challenge. Three years ago we ran the Causeway Coastal Path up in Northern Ireland which was 52 km, this was the first time we had run that distance. Last year we took up swimming, having never swam a km before. We trained all summer long and swam 7 km from the nearby town of Bray to Greystones.
Our annual adventure
This year we are training to run the Wicklow Way, a former pilgrim path across the Wicklow mountains where we live from Dublin to Carlow. We plan to do it over two days in September, all 127 km of it, so just over 60km per day. These adventures are a way for us to reconnect and lean into discomfort. They are very much about the journey, much of the training I don’t feel like doing but the camaraderie and social accountability make me stick with the course. These physical challenges are a way that help push us out of our comfort zone and remind us of the importance of the journey and training with friends, learning more about the land that we live in and hopefully completing a fun physical challenge.
We are all products of the natural world, not evolved for the sterile, sedentary confines of modern life and concrete jungles. Perhaps it’s time we start to reclaim our birthright as embodied, earth-connected beings, and find a way to balance the comforts of the present with the wisdom of the past.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you see a way to reconcile our primal selves with the realities of 21st century living?
The key to thriving in the 21st century may lie in understanding your primal self. Tune in next week to explore this powerful idea further.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I find this topic really interesting and am thinking of writing more on it. If you agree, please let me know in the comments below! Thanks a mill.
Dave x
Outstanding yet again, you write wonderfully
So much truth in these words,
I moved out of the concrete jungle for all of these reasons and now live a simple life surrounded by nature in beautiful Margaret River.
Thank you
Great article. This exposes an aching in the soul that people can and should relate to! So important to stay grounded and practice daily gratitude in these precious times. Well done on such an important piece of writing.
Totally Dave. Your thoughts and comparison with the Roman gladiators, my father used to do the same comparison. And I love this idea of having an annual discomfort challenge. Looking forward to read you more about it.
I also have thought about this paradox that on one hand it feels nice to have these commodities but on the other hand we are going further away from what and how our bodies are designed to be. I believe it is about finding that balance – the need for comfort, safety and rest and the human need to go out there, explore, feel alive in our bodies and thrive on all levels (physical, mental, spiritual).
Beautiful writing Davie. I do have to wonder though how much harmony and peacefulness our ancestors in those tribes actually had given the fact they were trying to survive constantly.
Seeing how existential problems in families can often break even the strongest bonds, it leaves me wondering if that would be the life I’d trade for.
I definitely agree that our lives got way too quick way too fast but I think being aware of those things pushes us naturally back to nature, to seek that roughness and serenity.
As much as I think that the Americans have it much more intense, seeing an NBA game with the boys is definitely on my bucket list😉.
Hope to have a proper chat together in person soon again.
much love,
Katka
I just LOVE your happier columns. They are so inspirational and I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time you take to share such beautiful engaging thoughts 🙂
Loved this, you speak from your heart and do it so vividly. Your next step will be writing a book on your adventures that would be amazing wort reading.!!!
Absolutely spot on. You speak from the heart and connect to the heart. You are both an inspiration. Keep going keep doing. I love it all.
Love love the buzz I get from “doing” & “eating” what is good for the soul body & mind. No feeling like it. Only little issue I have is that “age” adds to the level of commitment and effort needed. Ah but it feels so good when it is done
Hi Dave,
I, too, live in the countryside and I went to my first Celtics game this past winter! I agree it was exciting but overwhelming, and I think that level of stimulation goes against our instincts. An experience like that makes me want to balance it out with some time in nature. Or spend quality time with my children, which I also find to be very grounding.
As for pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones, training for a challenge checks a lot of boxes: physical, mental, social. As a very active person myself, I admire your ability to challenge yourself in new ways. I’m inspired to seek out new ways to push myself as well!
Great article Dave, having lived a ‘more simpler life’ for a short time , I have had to step back into the busy circus 🎪 for work in a changing period of my life. I cannot switch off in this ‘state’ that we are in whilst in that circus. I have always thought of all this as a merry go round!! So couldn’t agree more, longing to step back outside of the entrapments, although not easy. Even when u make it to the ‘dream’ place, that seems to have its challenges too! x need to step back into discomfort as these cosy items around me are def. Somewhere I have slipped back into! Thanks and keep writing! Given me food for thought, x k